Have you ever taken a moment to reflect on your past? Not just the highlight reel, but the full, unedited footage? That might sound a little weird, but stick with me.
My boys play basketball, and for the longest time, they couldn’t see their progress or bad habits on the court until we started recording their games and practices. Watching the playback was a game-changer for their development. Suddenly, what their coaches had been telling them started making sense. They could see their mistakes, improvements, and even their wins. Professional athletes do this all the time, so there’s got to be something to it, right?
That got me thinking…what if we did the same with our lives?
I’m wired to be ambitious. I love creating, leading, and strategizing ways to make things happen. But I’m also my toughest critic. I expect myself to understand and execute things quickly. Grace is something I rarely give myself. I believe every opportunity leads to another if I’m alert and open. All while trying to be a present wife and mom, juggling multiple projects, leading teams, and building a business. Oh, and now I blog too.
Sounds like I’ve got it all together, right? I don’t.
The hardest part of my journey isn’t the hustle. It’s learning to slow down and actually embrace it. To reflect, to be content, and to live in gratitude. I miss the moments that shift my perspective, the small whispers from God, and the ways He’s moved mountains when I wasn’t even paying attention.
In June 2023, I took a break from social media. One of my contract jobs abruptly ended, and we received an opportunity to lead a creative team at a camp for two weeks, so I took time to focus on real-life connections and figure out my next move. But something happened.
A few weeks into my break, I realized how much I had been running on autopilot. I started pouring energy into learning, growing, and, most importantly, reflecting on where I’d been.
I’ve always been a seasonal journaler—you know, the kind that journals for a week and then forgets for months. But this season changed that. Writing became my way of processing. God started leading me to scriptures and truths that gave me strength. Moments of defeat turned into opportunities. Tears turned into rivers of joy. My eyes opened to new perspectives. Most of all, God showed me how much He had been working in my life, even when I couldn’t see it.
He took me back to the 2020 pandemic. Working from home and watching life shift overnight shook me to my core. My priorities changed and new passions surfaced. God planted fresh dreams in my heart, but I had no idea how to pursue them. And if I’m being honest, I was terrified because it was completely different from my current reality.
I wanted to take the leap but fear kept whispering: what if you fail?
Spoiler alert: I did fail. A lot.
But during those moments, I prayed differently. I asked God for unconventional ways of doing things. To align my life with fulfilling a call to business and ministry. To create a new work pace that served my family's needs. These were dangerous prayers. Asking God to do unconventional things came with a whirlwind of events. Disappointments, failures, heartbreaks, shameful decisions, anxiety, and fear.
But the biggest lesson? God’s hand in every single detail.
I had to say yes to something that failed for God to trust me with the next step.
I had to sit through a painful conversation to hear a truth that would change my life.
I had to face shame and loss to fully understand the power of redemption.
And I wouldn’t change a thing. It led to exciting opportunities, courage, redemption, spiritual disciplines, and grit.
Journaling and reflecting took my eyes off the current reality. Instead of repeating the same prayers about what I wanted God to do, I began thanking Him for everything He had done. It changed the posture of my heart. I found myself living in gratitude. The more I thanked Him, the more ready I was for whatever He did next. I experienced new levels of His grace and power. It gave me confidence and purpose. It was the breath I needed in my lungs.
My past is my greatest testimony. The suffering, setbacks, and closed doors gave me strength and wisdom. They led me to where I am today. And I wouldn’t have realized that if I hadn’t taken the time to reflect.
Looking back, I don’t just see the struggle. I see the cross woven into my story. Every tear, every scar. It all points to Him. Leading me to the unconventional. What I always prayed for.
If you’re in the thick of it right now, I promise you God is working behind the scenes. You might not see it yet, but one day, when you look back, you’ll realize He was there all along.
And that’s why I created my 30-day devotional, In the Arena. To help you find strength and courage in the middle of the battle. It’s inspired by Theodore Roosevelt’s Man in the Arena speech, a passage I’ve had framed in my home office for years. My mentor always believed in giving small tokens to remind us of powerful truths. This is my token to you.
I pray the Holy Spirit strategically speaks to you through these pages. Because no matter what battle you’re facing, you have what it takes.
Standing with you, friend. Welcome to The Fab Life.